I have been in this dormitory for maybe more than six months, pacing back and forth between my room and the bathroom. I found some rum in one of these rooms and I stare at the wall where she used to stand while drinking it.
I would like to think I am a ghost but that is far too romantic and does not seem to be true because I am almost entirely sure I am alive.
I have listened to the 24 Preludes of Chopin on this shitty CD I found and I have memorized the way it sounds. There is a piano that was not broken but I can not play anything so beautiful yet. The smoke makes it hard to sing.
I remember trying to not to talk to myself before but I’m not worried anymore.
Slim, you left your wine bottle in my room but oh god it was a present right?
Art is being afraid to die and I am writing this for you or for what you were are maybe imnotsureidontknowidontknow
Watching movies as a kid I was always more scared of the silent scenes than of the loud ones.
I wish I was a famous revolutionary but I have nothing I care so much about that I would kill people for it.
I am in this room in this dormitory and I am waiting for everyone to come back from class and I will cry where they don’t see me and I will tell them how sorry I am that I wasn’t there when they left, I am so sorry I wasn’t there when you left.
and everyone I love is getting cancer and I am hoping I will too but not in ernest and she was upset that I told her at the gun store that I couldn’t own a gun because I knew what would happen and she laughed that I would say that and I laughed that I had said that and I wasn’t lying at all.
V, you told me a lie that artist tell lies to tell the truth but that wasn’t in the book so who said it? if it’s pop culture I can’t say it or people will think I’m stupid, I have to quote Kant or Heidegger or sartre or socrates and then they’ll all love me and I’ll write a book.
I am so empty and I am so full and I am oh my god oh my god oh my god
groups of threes are always better
there is no pure or complete action
if you are being honest
and fuck me
and fuck you