Thoughts (Alcoholism, Happiness)
I am so empty. I’ve been feeling it more and more and that’s why I keep drinking. I cannot find happiness or fulfillment. Perhaps then alcohol is my medicine. But of course this is laughable in its alcoholic reasoning. Every addict thinks they need or deserve their substance. We are all just sad and empty people and the more I think about that the more I need to drink. I am unsure if I know anyone who is happy. It seems more like all of us are just trying to survive our emptiness. We do not have full control over our lives and we are always wanting something more. And we find distractions and things which fill us for a moment but eventually they are gone. And thus our constant state is of wanting for something more. So why not be drunk all the time? I suppose because you can not handle your affairs. As in your job, school, friendships, romances. You become disconnected with life and you are made more overtly empty. Everyone blames and/or pities you. What kind of life is any of this? A constant emptiness. We fill it with advertising, movies, books, intoxicants, etc. but what is it that will fill permanently? I don’t know. I don’t know if I have found anything yet. But maybe I will. And maybe then I will stop smoking, drinking, making music, writing poetry, talking too much, and reading philosophy.
